When you don't know what to say ....

It is not often when I am at a loss for words.

However, I was at a loss for words this past Monday night after sharing with the Consistory my resignation as pastor of St. John's. What does one say at a time that is mixed with so many different emotions? As I scanned the room and looked into the eyes of so many different people I will miss, words escaped me.

I think that is why I haven't been blogging much these past few months - because I have been living with the possibility of a new position and all that entails, as well as the reality of the loss I will feel when I leave. Not only has it been a mix of feelings, but it has felt somewhat ingenuous to be blogging about my perceptions of ministry at St. John's without being forthright about where I am in regard to everything. I hope now that the news is out I can use this blog as a vehicle for sharing some of the things for which I am truly grateful @ 3rd & Mound.

Our Consistory meeting on Monday evening ended the way it always does. Our president invited us to stand, hold hands, and pray The Lord's Prayer. I thought about the many times I had prayed that very same prayer. Some times hastily, some times - like Monday - with a lump in my throat. When we don't know what to say, Jesus gives us the words ... "Our Father, who art in heaven ... "

Early Morning Prayers

On Sunday mornings I typically arise about 4 a.m. to engage in a routine that has come to serve me well as I prepare for preaching. This morning I thought I would sleep a little longer because today I am not the one who will be leading worship. Yet sure enough, I woke up as I typically do on Sundays - with my heart and mind full of what the day will bring. It sounded like birds and it felt like a cool Spring breeze, but I believe it was the Spirit rousing me to life well before my alarm was set to go off.

Today is Youth Sunday at St. John's. The three youth in our confirmation class have prepared every aspect of this morning's service. Our worship experience will be based on Daniel 3 and the story of Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego who had the strength and courage to stand up to the king when asked to do something that conflicted with their beliefs. Alex, Alexis, and Brandon have spent a good deal of time with this scripture and they each have significant things to share about it. I am praying this morning that God gives them the same strength and courage we see in Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego - not only for this morning, but throughout their lifetimes.

Several years ago, when I was preparing for an important presentation, I remember sharing with a group of women from our church my hopes for the presentation, for my leadership that day, and for the group of people who would be gathered together. I certainly felt supported by these women as I shared with them, but surprisingly I felt their presence and support most powerfully while I was in the midst of the presentation itself! Afterward, each of them came and asked me how it had gone, and each of them told me that they had been praying for me.

Their prayers were palpable. I hadn't known they would be praying for me, but I could feel their prayers. I could feel God's Spirit within me. May it be so this morning for Alex, Alexis, and Brandon.

Good Friday

Jesus did not come to explain suffering nor to take it away; he came to fill it with his presence.

Paul Claudel

On this Good Friday, I am holding in prayer all those for whom suffering feels unbearable. I am holding those in prayer who can't sleep at night because their anxiety is so high, their loneliness too sharp, or their fear so gripping that peace seems impossible.

I am praying for those who feel so betrayed by life that they consider killing others in retaliation.
I am praying for those who are desperate enough to steal for food to eat, or money to purchase medicine.

I am praying for those who could not return to their home after the earthquake in Italy, and those in our community who have no place to call home and no secure place to rest their head at night.

I am praying for those whose own lives, or the lives of a family member, have been turned upside down with a sudden and difficult diagnosis.

Today - even as I seek forgiveness for the times I have been unable to stay present to the pain and suffering around me, I am saying a prayer of thanksgiving that in the darkest times, when all seems lost, God is still with us.

Thanks be to God.